Batman Returns--Dark Knight on a Dark Night

Last night was the second time we've had a bat in our house in the past year-and-a-half. Humor me while I regale you with this epic tale.

It was about 11:00 p.m. and I was en route from the bathroom to the bedroom. We had just transferred a sleeping Isabel from our bed to her own 30 minutes earlier. As I approached our bedroom from the hallway, I saw the the Webhamster army-crawling across the floor underneath a towel. At first, I thought that he was playing the cave game with Isabel and was irritated, thinking (1) she woke up and got out of bed and (2) he's playing with her instead of trying to get her back to sleep! Soon I realized he was moving toward the door and hoarsely whispering, "Stay out! Stay out!" He got out of the room and shut the door.

Then it hit me. "Is there a bat in there or something?"

"Yes."

"What are you going to do?" I asked, knowing how he had felt badly about how the last bat episode ended with him tossing the rumpled feather of a dead critter off the porch.

"The same thing I did last time."

So, he proceeded to the basement, grabbed an old fencing mask, two tennis rackets, and a jacket, headed into our bedroom, and closed the door. As I cowered behind a second door a few feet down the hallway, I heard him come out five minutes later.

He carried the little beastie between the two rackets and hurled it near the side of the house. I made him go back and retrieve it because I wanted to see it. This one was larger than the previous visitor, but still about the size of a mouse with a little leathery black blanket swaddling its soft furry body. I really felt sorry for the poor thing, but cringed at the thought of waking up in the middle of the night with it crawling on me, panicking, being bitten, and then undergoing a series of rabies shots.

Staplehead and Pancakehead

One kid has this craniocephalaplasiapancakeheaditis thing that makes her head look like a heavily used crayon on one side. Special padded helmet and cork on fork, here we come.

The other now has staples in her head from two kids' careless accident running into her in a water fountain.

If the head wounds and traumas don't stop, I'm becoming frightful that we'll end up with a University of Kentucky fan or an Alex Keaton among our little family.

At least I'm becoming an experienced enough parent that I was able to stand calmly in an emergency room covered in my child's blood. I did not take so well the seeing of the open wound and effectively her skull when they cleaned out the wound to staple it back shut.

Learning about Colic

Baby Audrey appears to have this colic thing we'd heard about. Before having children, I'd never dreamed that it would be hard work getting a baby to belch or fart. Oh how I've learned otherwise.

Today I even considered purchasing what appears to be the seminal text on Baby Fart Aerobics. We know Audrey will learn how to pass her gas with time. When she does, we'll all breathe a sigh of relief and I'll have many stories to embarrass potential suitors should she ever be foolish enough to date.

The upside is that, aside from her seemingly neverending fits of screaming when she gets the bubbles trapped inside her GI, she's an amazingly pleasant baby and smiles and laughs at pretty much the drop of a hat.

Where did two months go?

It's almost the middle of June. Where did the past two months go? The Webhamster and I have been so busy tag-team parenting that we don't spend very much time together. Now that Audrey's approaching four months old, we'll start asking our babysitter to come more regularly, say, one evening every week, even for just two-and-a-half or three hours. Then, we can go on a bike ride, go out to dinner, go to the zoo or shopping by ourselves, whatever...

Officially Mr. Mom

I earned my ninja dad merit badge last night. We're at the mall eating noodles and I realize Teh Is has wet through her training pants. I dash off to the restroom with a proper changing table (halfway across the mall, naturally), remove the sopping wet diaper, and proceed to dangle my child and her halfway off trousers in front of the hair dryers for a full cycle.

Dry child. Dry jeans. Another one of life's milestones achieved.

Working 9 to 5

I'm starting a new job in three days. I wasn't really actively looking for one or anything, but I heard about a great opportunity and decided to explore the possibilities. Everything seemed to come together: a nonprofit charity (the type of organization for which I have always wanted to work) focused on low-income kids and families; doing PR and donor development work (very fulfilling creative fun job getting to help raise awareness and money for a cause in which I believe); decent pay and benefits; two blocks from my house!

I'll be able to walk to work. The girls will be in daycare one block from our house and just across the park from where I'll be working. I can go home for lunch and save money and pop in to check on them.

It seemed fated, so I couldn't say no.

When it rains it pours

Murphy's Law was in full effect today.

Audrey woke up at 4:00 a.m. and wouldn't go back to sleep. She had a 10:30 pediatrician appointment, and since Ken is back at work, I had to take both Isabel and Audrey. Isabel woke at 9:00 in a somewhat sour mood. She was crying while I changed her training pants. Audrey started crying. The dogs were downstairs barking. The cat was the only one not upset. It was pouring rain.

Somehow, I managed to appease everyone for 10 minutes while I took a quick shower and brushed my teeth. Moreover, I was able to wade through the two-inch puddle on our back patio and get both girls out to the car, depart our house with all the baby gear and other items I needed and arrive at the doctor's office by exactly 10:30.

I carried Audrey in her carrier, Isabel on one side, my gigantic purse/diaper bag diagonally over my shoulder, and an umbrella carefully balanced on my collarbone as we made our way into the building from the parking lot. I looked like a pack mule in the Grand Canyon, but I felt like a strong woman! Roarrr!

Today was Audrey's one-month-old "well baby" visit and first immunization. She has gained two pounds in just over two weeks and now weighs in at 8 pounds, 8 ounces. She's also grown two inches, measuring 22 inches "tall" now. Audrey's now nearly the size of our cat!